After finishing our morning part of the walk, we were sitting outside a mud house to rest for sometime and were reflecting on a few things. We noticed a few women looking at us with inquisitive eyes. While children were busy eating oranges and dates that we shared with them the adults were still holding that inquiry from a distance.
One woman sat a few feet away and kept looking at us. I could feel a constant gaze which was making me a little uncomfortable. We took a pause in our conversation and thought about connecting with her. We shared some fruits and waited for her to ask us something. But instead she just kept looking at us. So, we continued our conversation. We again asked her if she needed anything and she nodded in silence, indicating she did not want anything.
I felt so conscious that I could not eat or continue the conversation. I started creating a mental wall as I felt there was intrusion into the so called “my space”. I asked Swara if this kind of behaviour was intruding or say not courteous. She gave me a very different perspective to this. She said it’s not intrusion it’s their way to connect to strangers walking by from their village. It’s their way to care by just sitting and sharing their presence. Despite of not wanting anything they are giving their time and attention capital.
My understanding to this perspective deepened when we were walking on a four lane highway taking us to a big city. From my past experience of the last four months I knew finding shelter in a bigger place was always difficult. We thought of approaching a few homes before the city began. We were asked a few questions about our whereabouts. Even in villages we come across these questions, but in a city we feel there is a certain sense of mistrust and so we continued to walk further.
As we were walking towards the city Swara on a lighter note asked a few teenagers who were walking by our side if we could stay at their place to which they very genuinely shared that we cannot as the elders in their family consume alcohol and it won’t be safe for us. Interestingly they suggested that we could go to the railway station and sleep on the platform. They thought that would be a rather safe place for us:)
That day we must have crossed over fifty people but we hardly made an eye contact. We were hardly noticed in the big town, which was contrary to a small village. Despite of so many people being around, I felt lost. I felt vulnerable as we were struggling to find the right place to spend the night. It took me back to my urban upbringing where I would have missed so many opportunities to connect.
Both of us checked in with each other how were we feeling and interestingly while part of me was feeling vulnerable, part of me was even surrendering to the higher design. I told Swara that the mother has kept a place for all the pilgrims. We need to keep walking till we reach where we are meant to reach. And I could sense that the trust in the higher design shifted something in me. I think that something is the sense of certainty, the knowing. But pilgrimage is all about emergence:)
As we kept walking we finally found that place via a gentleman who showed us the way to the nearby temple. He came with us just to make sure we end up at the right place meanwhile we spotted a Gurudwara. We asked if we could stay there and that was our night shelter. This place felt like an oasis in the middle of the city. We soaking in the peace and pious environment of the space. While we were sitting on this side of the gate that side felt a little scary despite of being part of it for years.
Few questions that I am holding for now is have I made a distinction between these two worlds? What do I change inside me to merge both the worlds together? How do I keep alive the oasis inside me to nourish my surroundings?
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