Learning to look beyond

I saw two roads ahead of me, but I avoided taking the shorter one. I spotted a butcher shop there. In the evening, when both of us sat for our prayers, Swara gave me a 10-rupee coin. She said a butcher, after bowing, gave it to her.

realized it was the same place I had avoided going for two reasons. First, I was a little uncomfortable looking at the flesh and the caged birds and second a part of me was guilty of being a non-vegetarian some years ago. Between these two, I missed the opportunity to connect to his goodness. 

He might not be earning much yet, but he thought of serving us on our pilgrimage. He was non-Hindu,  ,but this pilgrimage is mostly done by Hinduss, and yethe he stepped into his generosity and went beyond the lines of religion. His act of serving helped me reflect on the judgment that I was holding and gave me that 'jai shree krishna' window. 

After placing the coin near the lamp, unknowingly, both of us silently prayed for him to someday move to the right kind of livelihood. During the Vipassana course, the teacher discusses Samyak Ajivika (Right Livelihood), stating that any act we perform should not harm any being directly or indirectly. I was even reminded of a conversation with Arun Dada, where he said: "rotli nani hase to chalse, kadi na hovi joiye" (let your bread be small but let it not be black).

Where 1 + 1 > 2

At some point, I had thought to walk by myself. Not sure if it was out of arrogance or the thought of being self-sufficient. It was much later that I realized that the "ease with which I could walk, sleep, or simply be was because someone was looking out for me unconditionally. In the initial weeks of our pilgrimage, I could feel a hand coming to me every midnight just to check if I was safe after a tiresome day of walking.

There is a joke that my sister shares. She says, "For you, taking up this parikrama is like a love marriage, whereas for me, it is an arranged one. "For me, it was the love for the river and its credence, whereas for her, it was her unconditional love for me. She said yes to purely supporting my calling and discovering her love while being part of it. When I asked her what made her say 'yet' something like this, which wasn't on her bucket list ever, especially when it wasn't about walking for a day or two. It was a long-term commitment for which I personally spent almost 3 years preparing. With a smile, she says, "I have tried taking a few initiatives, where I have mostly failed to get support. I understood that if we put our ego aside, what matters at the end is saying a yes to anything good. It doesn't matter who is leading it. All of us can be co-creators for the greater good." 

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In my 30 years, this is the first time we are doing almost everything together, be it washing clothes, preparing food, praying, attending nature's call, and most importantly, walking together for almost 9 hours a day. She says the joy is in doing "ordinary" things together, which makes the whole experience extraordinary.

"Any time I overlooked the strength of two. I would tell her, "Why do you need two people if the same task can be done by one person?" She gave me the analogy of an ant colony, where several ants do one task. The system is that if one fails, the second will move forward, and if the second fails, the third will take over. Here, efficiency might be lower, but resilience is high. 

When I see someone so selfless in front of me, it helps me see the selfish corners in me. Apart from

Having someone to listen, to share, to give a fresh perspective, to share jokes and laugh aloud, to massage my feet when in pain, to find strength in the last leg of our day...she gently holds my edges, giving one more chance to change, which definitely requires a lot of strength and love. 

I could have never soaked in the beauty of this pilgrimage if I were by myself. To briefly share about her sense of being/ philosophy/ practice, I am reminded of the African proverb which says, "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."

"Deep, deep gratitude to have her as my co-pilgrim for life

Stitching my ego

I could see my toe from the small hole in my shoe, which was getting bigger and bigger day by day. I kept putting off the repair, and the day came when I had no choice but to do something about it. 

We asked a few people if there was a cobbler in the village, but there wasn’t. I thought of mending it myself, but I wasn’t sure I could manage. The person I asked looked at my shoe and said, "Let me try." I asked him if he had done it before, and he said not really. I row a boat, but this would be an opportunity for me to serve you. 

I was observing him, and the very first thing that struck me was the love with which he was doing it. A part of me felt embarrassed because I knew how dirty my shoe was, and he was holding it as if it were a bunch of flowers. While he was doing it, I felt some discomfort. The fear I had all this time of not knowing, versus the effort this man was putting into something he hadn’t done before in an effortless way. It’s amazing how in a village everyone knows everything. And how my “education” or my urban upbringing was inhibiting in doing something new. . 

As I kept observing my mind, I arrived at a thought that shook me. My mind made a discrimination and said that this is not my job. It is a lower job. I realized the root of this thought was the social conditioning I had grown up with. I couldn’t believe my own thoughts, and a part of me felt ashamed. The resistance to not doing it myself was not only the fear of taking on a new job, but also deep conditioning. I wanted to get up and give him water to wash his hands, but I couldn’t go beyond a courteous thank-you. 

I just kept sitting with these discomforting thoughts that evening. The neatness of each stitch reminded me of the lost opportunity to share my gratitude. After that day, every time I look at that patch on my shoe, it reminds me to practice humility. 

Grace

After walking a 200 km stretch through remote tribal villages and forest trails, we reached Amarkantak on March 4th, the auspicious day of Mahashivratri. Amarkantak is the mouth of the river from where it starts flowing towards the sea. It flows west, covering many thousands of kilometers, serving infinite beings with her love. 

This place marks half of our pilgrimage . While sitting at the Gurudwara in Amarkanth, the next day, tears kept flowing as we thought about the past three months of our journey. It is pure grace because of which we could walk a thousand kilometers, and it would be too selfish to say that “I” or “we” walked so far. It feels beyond my capacity. And the tears were of gratitude for the unknown yet known force that has led us here.

When I think of the web of grace that is constantly flowing by our side,e with my limited mind,d I know I am not being fair to the hard work of infinite beings,s including our lineages and nature,e which is constantly blessing us with abundance. The tears were even for the limitation of seeing beyond self to take ownership of something beyond the “I”. 

The prayer for the rest of our journey is to look beyond the “I”, be humble and grateful at each step in the lap of Mother Earth, Mother Nature,  and Mother Reva, and embrace the nature of a mother being always gentle, forgiving, giving, content,t and compassionate:)