Learning to look beyond

I saw two roads ahead of me but I avoided taking the shorter one, I spotted a butcher shop there. In the evening when both of us sat for our prayers Swara gave me a 10 rupee coin. She said a butcher after bowing gave it to her.

I realised it was the same place I had avoided going for two reasons. First, I was a little uncomfortable looking at the flesh and the caged birds and second a part of me was guilty of being a non-vegetarian some years ago. Between these two I missed the opportunity to connect to his goodness. 

He might not be earning much yet he thought of serving us on our pilgrimage. He was a non-hindu and this pilgrimage is mostly done by Hindus and yet he steeped into his generosity and went beyond the lines of religion. His act of serving helped me reflect on the judgement that I was holding and gave me that 'jai shree krishna' window. 

After placing the coin near the lamp, unknowingly, both of us silently prayed for him to someday move to the right kind of livelihood. During Vipassana course the teacher talks about Samyak Ajivika (Right Livelihood), where he says that any act that we perform should not harm any being directly or indirectly. I was even reminded of a conversation with Arun dada, where he said "rotli nani hase to chalse, kadi na hovi joiye" (let your bread be small but let it not be black).

Where 1 + 1 > 2

At some point I had thought to walk by myself. Not sure if it was out of arrogance or with the thought of being self sufficient. It was much later that I realised that the “ease” with which I could walk, sleep or simply be was because someone was looking out for me unconditionally. In the initial weeks of our pilgrimage I could feel a hand coming to me every mid-night just to check if I was safe after a tiresome day of walking.

There is a joke that my sister shares. She says. "for you taking up this parikrama is like love marriage whereas for me it is an arranged one". For me it was the love for the river and it's sacredness whereas for her it was her unconditional love for me. She said yes to purely support my calling and discover her love while being a part of it. When I asked her what made you say a 'yes' to something like this which wasn’t on your bucket list ever and especially when it wasn’t just about walking for a day or two. It was a long term commitment for which I personally took almost 3 years to prepare. With a smile she says, "I have tried taking a few initiatives where mostly I have failed to get support. I understood that if we put our ego aside what matters at the end is saying a yes to anything that is good. It doesn’t matter who is leading it. All of us can be co-creators for the greater good." 

In my 30 years this is the first time when we are doing almost everything together be it washing clothes, preparing food, praying, attending nature’s call, and most importantly walking together for almost 9 hours a day. She says the joy is in doing “ordinary” things “together” which makes the whole experience “extraordinary”

Many a times I overlooked the strength of two. I would tell her why do you need two people if the same task can be done by one person. She gave me the analogy of the ant colony where for doing one task there will be number of ants. The system is if one fails the second will move forward and if the second fails the third will take over. Here the efficiency might be less but there is high resilience. 

When I see someone so selfless in front of me it helps me see the selfish corners in me. Apart from

having someone to listen, to share, to give a fresh perspective, to share jokes and laugh aloud, to massage my feet when in pain, to find strength in the last leg of our day...she holds my edges in a gentle way giving one more chance to change which definitely requires lot of strength and love. 

I could have never soaked in the beauty of this pilgrimage if I was by myself. To briefly share about her sense of being/ philosophy/ practice I am reminded of the African proverb which says- “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

Deep deep gratitude to have her as my co-pilgrim for life

Stitching my ego

I could see my toe from the small hole in my shoe which was getting bigger and bigger day by day. I kept delaying the repair and the day came when I had no option but to do something about it. 

We asked a few people if there was a cobbler in the village but there wasn’t any. I thought of mending it myself but I wasn’t sure if I could manage. The person whom I asked looked at my shoe and said let me try. I asked him if he has done it before to which he said, not really. I row boat but this would be an opportunity for me to serve you. 

I was observing him and the very first thing that struck me was the love with which he was doing it. A part of me was feeling embarrassed as I knew how dirty my shoe was and he was holding it as if they were a bunch of flowers. While he was doing it I could sense some discomfort in me. The fear that I was holding all this while of not knowing versus the effort this man was putting in something that he hasn’t done before in an effortless way. It’s amazing how in a village everyone knows everything. And how my “education” or my urban upbringing was inhibiting in doing something new. . 

As I kept observing my mind I arrived at a thought that shook me. My mind made a discrimination and said that this is not my job. It is a lower job. I realised the root of this thought was coming from the social conditioning that I have grown in. I couldn’t believe my own thoughts and a part of me was feeling ashamed. The resistance of not doing it myself was not only fear of doing a new job but also this deep conditioning. I wanted to get up and give him water to clean his hands but I couldn’t go beyond a courteous thank you. 

I just kept sitting with these discomforting thoughts that evening. The neatness of each stitch reminded me of the lost opportunity to share my gratitude. After that day, every time I look at that patch on my shoe it reminds me to practice humility. 

Grace

After walking a 200 km stretch crossing some remote tribal villages and forest trails we reached Amarkantak on March 4th on the auspicious day of Mahashivratri. Amarkantak is the mouth of the river from where it starts flowing towards the sea. It flows west covering many thousand kilometers serving infinite beings with her love. 

This place marks half of our pilgrimage.While sitting at the Gurudwara in Amarkanthak the next day tears kept flowing thinking about the past three months of our journey. It is pure grace because of which we could walk a thousand kilometres and it would be too selfish to say that “I” or “we” walked so far. It feels beyond my capacity. And the tears were of gratitude for the unknown yet known force that has led us here.

When I think of the web of grace that is constantly flowing by our side with my limited mind I know I am not being fair to the hard work of infinite beings including our lineages and nature which is constantly blessing us with abundance. The tears were even for the limitations that the mind was creating to see beyond self and creating ownership for something which was beyond the “I”. 

The prayer for the rest of our journey is to look beyond the “I”, be humble and grateful at each step in the lap Mother Earth, Mother Nature and Mother Reva and embrace the nature of a mother being always gentle, forgiving, giving, content and compassionate:)